Death Happens To The Best Of Us

I get asked this on the regular when I say that I’m a death coach. (Even if I soften it with “end-of-life consultant” it still freaks people out, so I stick with “death coach.”) To be completely honest, talking about death does intrigue me. Not in a morbid, creepy, vampires-and-ghosts kind of way (though I am not opposed to vampires or ghosts) but in a very practical way.

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Since I was in my twenties, I’ve had a folder in my file cabinet labeled “Dad’s Death File.” My dad is a meticulous guy, and a bit of a control freak. When he was still in his fifties (he’s 94 now) he wrote out in his beautiful draftsman hand a list of everything we needed to do, everyone we needed to call, and everything he wanted done with his body and his assets. He even lists the food, music, and dress code for his memorial service.

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So for me, talking and thinking about death was no big deal.

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Until my sister was diagnosed with leukemia. She had a bone marrow transplant, which at that time had a survival rate of less than 40%. So we had to talk about her death wishes. Which was quite a bit harder than reading about where Dad wanted his ashes scattered sometime in the distant future.

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I still remember the pain and sadness of talking with Kathleen, who was 37 at the time, where she wanted to be buried and what she wanted for her memorial service.  I would have much rather spent the time talking about, well, anything. But time was too short, and we were all under pressure to make decisions.

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That’s one of the main reasons I started DeathReady. Thinking about your end-of-life wishes is so much easier – and can even be fun! (see below) – when your death isn’t imminent. When you’re healthy and alive is the time to explore different options for disposition of your body, or where you want your antique clock collection to go, or where you want your funeral cupcakes to come from.

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The more specific and thoughtful you can be about what you want your death to look like, the better it is for you and for the people you leave behind. I hear a lot of, “Oh, I don’t care what happens to me after I’m dead.” But someone is going to have to deal with your body, your house, your money, your dog, your rubber band collection; see what I mean?

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Yep, a “best death” can be planned for! My goal is to support you practically, emotionally, and creatively in designing your end-of-life plan. That might look like:

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• Writing legacy letters to your family, friends, or colleagues;

• Painting and drawing on a cardboard casket to be buried in (both inexpensive and environmentally friendly!)

• Organizing your money with a financial planner and deciding who gets your money when you die

• Designing and sewing your own burial shroud (for use in a casket, or alone in a green burial)

• Writing a will for all the things you’ve collected over your lifetime

• Writing a “Heart Will”

• Hosting “Table to Grave” dinners for friends and family, with real conversations about what really matters to you

• Inviting friends for a “Plan your Funeral” party, with skull cakes, coffin-shaped cookies, or whatever else you can imagine

• Getting to the heart of how you want to live your life, so that when death does arrive, you have no regrets.

 

After all, death happens to the best of us.